Anyways, on to Psalm 10. The very first verse grabbed my attention. It says, "Why, Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?" This is exactly what I have been trying to put into words for the past several months. In some of the previous posts, I have mentioned feeling "abandoned" or "deserted" by God, always being clear that I knew all along that God would never desert me. However, describing God as being standoffish seems to be a pretty good description without going against any truths I know about God. So, why did it feel like he was hiding himself from me in the times I was most troubled? I wish I had an answer, but I don't - and the rest of Psalm 10 doesn't seem to help.
I have a hard time finding a way to relate to the rest of the psalm if I'm being honest. Verses 2 through 11 talk about what the wicked do and who they are. Verses 12 through 15 tell God to hold the wicked accountable. Then, verses 16 through 18 show conviction that God will indeed defend the helpless. I know there is wicked in the world everywhere, but I also don't think "wickedness" is what has made me feel like God is standing "far off." I feel like I've been battling difficult circumstances, not wicked people. It just doesn't seem to speak to where I am.
It's disappointing to get to Psalm 10 and not really feel a connection to it, especially since Psalms 1 through 9 have seemed so relevant to what I've been going through. I don't know if I'm just not looking hard enough or if there really is not much to connect with, but it's still discouraging.
The whole reason I started reading the Psalms was to feel like God wasn't actually so "far off" and, in Psalm 10, I find a verse that completely summarizes how I have been feeling. But, just like nearly every effort I have made in the past few years, being able to verbalize the issue has gotten me no closer to any sort of answer. I still feel like God is hiding from me and I don't know why. And the Psalmist doesn't give an answer, either.