This is by far the hardest post I have written as of yet. At the end of the previous post, I mentioned wondering what it would be like if I wrote my own version of Psalm 6 based on bold demands, bold honesty, and bold confidence. So, I did it. Before you read it, though, please keep in mind that it is not at all easy for me to make myself vulnerable, especially not at this level. First of all, I truly am being boldly honest. Second, even though I love to write and have always possessed some level of talent, I never let anyone read something that is still a draft, and I feel like this is. I am a perfectionist and rarely let anyone in on something that is anything less than nearly perfect.
Psalm 6 - A Psalm of Katie
Lord, do not neglect me in your indifference
or ignore me in your apathy.
Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am desperate;
renew me, Lord, for my soul is unfeeling.
My faith is in tatters.
How long, O Lord, how long?
Turn, Lord, and deliver me;
reach out to me because of your unfailing love.
I cannot remember you when you feel so distant.
Who praises you when it echoes back, seemingly unheard?
I am worn out from trying.
For years I have scattered my days with frustrated weeping
and drenched my face with hopeless tears.
My heart grows weak with futility;
it stagnates because there is no discernible response.
Come back to me, God of my youth;
I know you have heard my weeping.
You have heard my demand for connection;
you accept my prayer.
All my years of distance will not be wasted by insignificance;
they will be used to strengthen my faith.